She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So here I am, sexting at work.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
