Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
