So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
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the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
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Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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