peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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