I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
