There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
