he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
