its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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