Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
