Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
