there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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