I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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