dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
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