We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
