Will you blow on my dice?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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