i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
