ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize