Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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