just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
