I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
