How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
