I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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