it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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