Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
