So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
