have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
