So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
