I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
