Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
