He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
As shirtless as possible
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
