you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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