I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
