I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
