i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
