So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
