i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
