Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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