C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
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Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
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Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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