Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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