I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
