That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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