Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
