I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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