so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
