the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
