I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
