Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
