The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
