I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
