i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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