And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
