I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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