A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
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You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
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I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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