she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
