dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
