Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Drunk is a universal language darling
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
