i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
