I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
