Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
