I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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