You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I would ride that face into the sunset
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
