I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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