i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
