A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
