I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize