I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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