Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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