Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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