I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
