just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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