I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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