just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
a search helicopter?!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
